Annual India Tours
These lectures were transcribed by T Vd Broek. Heartfelt
gratitude is offered for all the hours of work spent on this Dharma activity.
These talks are offered free of charge. They have been slightly edited.
January 23 1990
For this evening we are going to deal with the subject matter of generating love. This subject sometimes causes trouble for some people because the objects that are dealt with are not always the same experience for all of us. And so I would like for you as an individual, if you have trouble, to allow yourself a little leeway in in it. It is going to deal with your mothers. Maybe some of you do not have good relationships with your mothers, so you have to try to put that aside a bit. And if your mother is not a suitable object in anyway what so ever for this meditation, maybe you should pick the next person who is the closest to what your mother should have been so you still have some capacity to use this meditational technique.
The whole focus of the meditation is to realize a deeper feeling of love. And to feel love is to realize that you were loved, that you are loved. When you start to realize that someone loves you, the amount of time and energy they did towards it, then you start feeling love in your own heart. The way to generate love isn't to go out and fall in love or to go and do things, it is to become involved with a person and in that you come to love the people. What is necessary sometimes is to go back into your life and to realize that there has been someone who has been very involved with you. There are lots of different ways to look at it, but this way is to realize that there was care, an on going care, something that wasn't fickle or short lived. It was a long term thing. And so your relationship to your mother, your parents is the point then. As you realize that I think you will find that you will have a feeling of love growing within you, and that is the object of the meditation. The feeling of the warmth from that. The meditation is actually called heart warming love.
To start off with there has been someone who has cared for you an awful lot. Some that has been considerate and put a lot of time and energy and even suffered for you and who you are. That you are in this room right now is dependant on the fact that one person, no matter how many years ago, decided that they wanted you, wanted to keep you.
Allow yourself to go into the thoughts of this woman, whether she wants to nor not wants to, gets pregnant. And she is going to let this person grow within her and become part of her body. And she is going to have to go through the nine months of the various sufferings that women have to go through in regards to carrying a child. Put your mind into the head space of that person. Maybe initially there is some joy and other thoughts about it, whatever it is, but they have allowed you to take up residence in them. And the things that they do in regards to that. The time they spent thinking what they could do for the child, what can I get together for this child. And this child is you. It is not someone else!
And so they go through the process of eating the right foods and being concerned about it. They put a lot of time and energy into maintaining you in their body to bring you into the world. In whatever way they did it, they put a lot of time and energy into the experience of having child birth. As you go through that thinking of being carried inside this person and this person is being concerned and such, and then as it comes closer, it is not all bliss and happiness. They suffer a lot! They do not sleep properly, get anxious of the fact that they are full and pregnant, and slowly as that day comes there is a lot of anxiety.
If you think about it, her focus is not on herself. Like am I going to live? Rather it is is this baby going to live! The woman lives in the concept of concerns of the baby. Because if it was her own self, she wouldn't have the birth, she wouldn't go through the whole process.
Then she goes to the hospital. Although there will be incredible pain as the birth process happens, hours of labor, to think of it, would you go through four or five hours or more for the sake of someone else? I don't think none of us would particularly do it, but if it is our baby, we sure as hell would! So there is a lot of energy that went into that person's dedication for your existence. So finally the baby is born. Almost immediate her thought is not for herself, but for the baby. How is it? Is it alright? And she completely forgets everything about herself. Even though she was in excruciating pain, maybe she was screaming, immediately after the birth her mind is completely off herself and completely on you. If you think of it, immediately someone completely gave up all thought of their pain and immediately focused on you as a person. There is a lot of emotion, a lot of energy, a lot that happens. And it is all focused on you.
This woman is living for you. She is literally focused on you. You can think of a woman with a child is really a person with one mind and two bodies. If even for a short time if that woman leaves you alone, you could die, all sorts of things could go wrong. So a woman will dedicate from the moment of the birth, and she has the child and she had to feed it regularly and continuously. And she has to clean it all the time and such. All that! There is a lot of time and energy and work put towards you that she gives. And it is not that she does begrudgingly, she does it with love. She is totally focused on you. And she loves you and looks down on you with wonderful love in her heart. And she cleans you and washes you and plays with you, she lets you gurgle and pooh and such. And she cleans you off again. And she doesn't just do it once, or twice, she does it four or five times a day. And not just one or two days, she does it for weeks, months and years. A lot of time that woman puts into letting you come into the world. They don't just leave you for three or four days with I've had enough of the kid, and off they go! They can't do that. Their love and concern and such doesn't let them do that. So they continuously come back and check on you all the time. And even during the night, if you think about it, that for your existence someone got up during the night maybe three or four times and made sure that you were warm, covered properly, that you were tucked in nicely. And also they had to feed you. Again they made a lot of sacrifice for you.
And when you were unhappy, they couldn't just say oh be unhappy, and leave you, they had to go back and care for you and see maybe what the problem is. Is there anything that was threatening for you. Were you going to be alright? And their concern was even to the point of like saying, maybe there is something wrong, maybe we should phone the doctor. And so there is an incredible amount of energy.
And so with luck we all made it through that phase with being cared for really intensively. Someone totally focused on you. You as a person. And that was a constant focus. And a focus with love and with warmth and with the capacity to say I want this child to grow into the world.
From there that person tries to help you become more part of the world rather than being just an infant who cannot do more than cry and crawl around, and need feeding and cleaning. Their concern and caring for you moves further. And so they try to help you walk. And so again they spend time with you. They say try to walk this way and show you how. And then they teach you how to eat properly. And if you think of it, that someone is sitting there throwing food around, putting their hands in it, they don't understand, but that person spends patience and time trying to make you learn how to eat properly and clean you up and start you over again. Their wish was for you so learn some social skills and such. Think of it, maybe the first time you looked at the person and said, mama, the absolute joy that they experienced. That their life was focused around things like that. And when you said those sorts of things, they were over joyed! That was for them the most blissful thing that happened in a long long time. The kid finally recognized them and said hello!
So you were a very integral part of someone's life. As you grew up they cared for you and tried to teach you how to talk properly, how to walk and such things. They were constantly putting energy into things like putting your clothes on correctly, are you dressed, are you warm enough. If you are going out are you going to be alright, and they are very conscious of where you are going to go, that there is nothing dangerous out there and such. Like I say, they are always aware, having one mind and two bodies, always trying to be conscious of what is happening with the child.
And when you are a little toddler and running around, they cannot leave you for very long because they are always wondering where you are. Then they have to go and look for you and make sure that you are in a safe environment and such things. Constant sort of concern and love and care that is given to you. As you grow older they try to make you more articulate to learn how to speak and then they move into getting you to become educated and to go to school and such. And it is not, that they say oh good. Now the kid is off and out to school. Sure you know, parents do have their own time and space and they do want that, but they are concerned about are you doing alright in school? How are things going for you, regarding the other people that are around you. Is things alright? Is the teacher treating you alright? Are you eating and such?
If you think of it, like the thing that got me strongly about my own mother, was to realize that every day I went to school when I was a kid, someone sat down and polished my shoes for me! My shoes were always clean when I went to school. It sounds stupid but, someone actually cared for me to the point that they wanted me to have clean shoes and things! Someone lived for me! And they did things for me. They bought the clothes so I could be dressed well! Things like that. Someone lived for me! Someone loved me, and they really loved me because otherwise they would have not done those things!
When you get into those sorts of emotions it is good for you because it starts to crack that shell of being hard and callous about things and saying I don't need anyone and I am independent. I am fairly alright. Rather, it starts to make you realize that actually you were a very dependent person. And that you really did depend on that other person's care and kindness and love! Because if they didn't do that, you wouldn't believe, you wouldn't be functioning as well as you are functioning now!
So the meditation for this evening to go into that. The whole trick of it is to try to realized that that person's mind was on you. And if you have been a parent you get a little bit of an idea but you have to into your mother's mind and sort of realize the things that go on in that mother's mind towards you. And you try to gain some real love. Try to experience the love that that person is showering on you, or is showing for you. And as you visualize your mother, like maybe where you were out running around on the lawn and having fun and laughing, and their heart was happy for that! It made them happy because you were were giggling and carrying on. And to think of it that that person loves you and had concern for you. And they are living for you! They are totally focused on you as a little person! Just think about it for awhile. There is a lot of suffering in there. There is a lot of hardship in there. There is a lot of things that had to be carried through. Think about those things. Then move into the phase of the birthing. And think about how they did not dwell on the fact that you damaged their body or whatever, that it was painful, the immediately focused on you. And even if you know, maybe we were given away after we were born, I can guarantee when you were born the first thought your mother had was are you alright? And even maybe when they gave you up for adoption, whatever, even in that they were concerned and wanted to make sure that the people who were going to adopt you are going to take care of you and such. Even in that there is love! So you go through the different emotions and try to find and realize what is going on in that person's mind. And maybe feel some of the anguish that that person has to feel if they had to give you up! The emotions that they had. They didn't have those emotions because of dislike or something. They had the emotions with love and attachment.
And from there move on and try to think about how it doesn't go for just a day or two, or weeks, but on for months and years. The total being of caring for you to bring you into the world. Like I say if you think of the mothers who come around you, or if you were down town and see the mothers with their children, and you sort of visualize a little how they are. The always are playing and cooing to their children. Give them lollipops and things! There is a lot of energy going on in there! Think about it.
In this way try to realize time, energy, sacrifice, all of the different things that went on in that woman's mind towards bringing you into the world. That is your meditation for this evening.
Copyright 1994 Daka's Buddhist Consulting
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